Introduction
Imagine this situation: you just delivered a successful project or came up with a great idea, yet when praised, you immediately deflect credit. Or you sit in meetings with insights bubbling up, but you never voice them. You may find these scenarios everywhere, and later employees realize it’s because they were undervaluing themselves at work. They chalked it up to being a team player or staying humble, but in reality, they were reinforcing self-doubt.
Leadership coach Stella Petrou Concha – CEO of talent agency Reo Group and co-founder of HiveQ – recently highlighted five signs of undervaluing oneself at work. Reading her advice felt like looking in a mirror. Below, I reflect on each of these five signs through my own experiences and share how I began to break free. The journey taught me one crucial truth: if I don’t value myself, I can’t expect others to value me.
1. Downplaying Your Achievements
Whenever I achieved something at work, my instinct was to downplay it. If someone said, “Great job on that client pitch,” I’d respond, “Oh, it was a total team effort, anyone could have done it.” I thought I was being modest, but I was diluting my impact. In reality, I was training myself – and others – to overlook my contributions. Stella’s advice hit home: stop doing that. “You contributed, and it matters,” she stresses, and she’s right.
Studies show this pattern is alarmingly common. Research has found that many professionals habitually minimize their achievements and credit others, even when they deserve praise. The result? They don’t get full recognition for their work, which can ultimately hinder their careers. I realized my chronic aw-shucks attitude wasn’t just harmless humility – it was sabotaging opportunities.
So I began to own my accomplishments openly. This didn’t mean bragging or taking sole credit for team efforts. It meant simply acknowledging my role. Instead of, “We would’ve got there anyway,” I learned to say, “Thank you – I’m proud I led that project with support from a great team.” This small shift in language sent a big message to myself and others: I recognize my value. And guess what? Once I started valuing my wins, others did too. Managers noticed, and new leadership opportunities emerged.
2. Staying Quiet in Meetings
In meetings, I used to hold back valuable ideas out of self-doubt. I’d have something to say, but a little voice whispered, “Not now… Is it even a good idea? What if it comes out wrong?” So I stayed quiet. Inevitably, someone else would voice my idea and get nods of approval, or the meeting would end without the insight I could have offered. By not speaking up, I robbed myself and my team of potential value. I convinced myself I was being respectful or observant, but in truth, I was holding back out of fear.
Silence comes at a cost. If you consistently don’t contribute, colleagues might assume you have nothing to offer – which is rarely true. Experts note that active engagement shows managers and peers you’re invested and demonstrates leadership potential. Conversely, never voicing your perspective makes you invisible in the decision-making process. I learned this the hard way: staying quiet kept me safe from embarrassment, but it also kept me stuck while bolder peers advanced.
Finding my voice: Over time, I pushed myself to speak up in small ways. I started by preparing comments or questions before meetings. Then I made it a goal to contribute at least once – whether by sharing an idea, asking a clarifying question, or building on someone else’s point. At first my heart raced whenever I raised my hand or unmuted on a call. But the more I did it, the easier it became. People began to acknowledge my input, which boosted my confidence. I realized my ideas were worthwhile – the only person doubting them was me.
3. Not Asking for What You’ve Earned
One day, while talking with a friend, he shared that one of the clearest ways he undervalued himself was by not advocating for raises, promotions, or even basic flexibility. At times, he was performing at the next level but hesitated to start the promotion conversation. He took on extra responsibilities for years without a pay increase, secretly hoping, “Surely my boss will notice and reward me.” Sometimes they did – but often, they didn’t. The truth was, he avoided the uncomfortable but necessary act of asking for what he had earned. He told himself he wasn’t ready or didn’t really need the title or money. In hindsight, he admitted he was simply afraid – of rejection, of seeming greedy, of hearing what his value really was.
This fear is widespread. A UK survey found 55% of employees were unwilling to ask for a raise. The reasons ranged from not knowing how to broach the topic, to fear of appearing greedy, to plain fear of being told “no.” Ironically, by not asking, they guaranteed they wouldn’t get what they deserved. Studies show those who do ask tend to get higher pay than those who stay silent. As the saying goes: closed mouths don’t get fed.
Inspired by Stella’s advice, my friend eventually prepared a list of his contributions and mustered the courage to have that tough raise conversation. He rehearsed dozens of times, and though his voice trembled, he stated his case clearly and backed it with results. The outcome? He didn’t get everything he asked for immediately, but he did get a raise that had been long overdue. More importantly, he earned respect. By advocating for himself, he signaled that he knew his value.
Learning from him, I made it a point to periodically discuss career progression and compensation rather than hoping my boss could read my mind. Every time I negotiate for myself, I reinforce my self-worth – and that’s a win regardless of the dollar outcome.
4. Saying “Yes” Too Often
I used to think saying “yes” to every request made me a superstar employee. Need someone to take extra tasks? Sure, I’ll do it. Help fix a colleague’s project at the last minute? I’m on it. I believed never refusing work would prove my dedication and earn me appreciation. Instead, it left me overwhelmed and burnt out. I became the go-to person for picking up slack – and while that felt flattering at first, it soon bred resentment. I was drowning in work, and ironically, my willingness was taken for granted. As Stella warns: “Overgiving won’t get you love or respect, just resentment and exhaustion.”
Research confirms that constantly saying “yes” leads to uneven workloads, burnout, and even a damaged reputation if quality slips. I reached a point where I realized: if I keep this up, I’ll either burn out completely or be seen as a doormat – neither image I wanted.
My big lesson was learning to say “no” (or “not now”) when necessary. This was uncomfortable at first – I worried I’d disappoint people or seem incapable. But I started small: declining meetings I didn’t need to attend, or pushing back on unrealistic deadlines. I also practiced offering alternatives, like, “I can’t take this project now, but I could next month.” To my surprise, the world didn’t end when I said no. In fact, colleagues often respected me more for being clear about my limits.
With fewer but more focused commitments, the quality of my work improved. Ultimately, saying “no” when appropriate is a way of valuing your time and wellbeing – and it teaches others to value them too.
5. Not Seeing Yourself as a Leader
Despite titles and accomplishments, I often struggled to see myself as a leader. When I first took on a leadership role, I was wracked with self-doubt. I thought, “Do I really deserve this? Others could do it better. Maybe I just got lucky.” I constantly felt like an impostor. This mindset led me to shy away from authority, downplay my role, and defer even when I was fully capable. In my head, I wasn’t really a leader; I was just acting until someone more deserving came along. This was classic Imposter Syndrome – the persistent belief that you’re not as competent as others think.
Imposter Syndrome is widespread, even among high achievers. The danger is that these feelings stifle growth. I saw it in myself: I hesitated to apply for promotions or lead high-profile projects because I doubted I was ready. It became a self-fulfilling cycle – by doubting myself, I held back, and by holding back, I missed opportunities that would have disproved my doubts.
Breaking free wasn’t an overnight switch; it was a gradual process of building self-trust. I acknowledged my impostor feelings instead of denying them. I listed my career wins, skills, and positive feedback. Seeing it on paper was eye-opening – hard evidence that I had earned my place. Whenever that voice whispered, “You’re not good enough,” I countered with facts: I have 10 years of experience; I do know what I’m doing.
I began to act like the leader I wanted to be, even before I fully believed it. I volunteered for assignments, made decisions without overthinking, and mentored students in rural areas – which reminded me how much I actually knew. By behaving like a leader, I started to internalize that identity. Over time, the impostor voice grew quieter. It still pops up sometimes, but it no longer controls me.
Conclusion: The Work Begins Within
Reflecting on these five signs, I realized they all stemmed from one belief: that I somehow didn’t deserve more. By downplaying myself, staying quiet, overworking, and doubting my right to lead, I was “playing small.” As Stella Petrou Concha pointed out, doing so reinforced that limiting belief and kept me stuck.
The turning point was deciding to rewrite that belief – to tell myself a new story: I am worthy of recognition, opportunity, and success. This wasn’t about arrogance or diminishing others; it was about removing the arbitrary limits I had placed on myself. And once I did, everything changed. I spoke up, and people listened. I set boundaries, and people respected them. I asked for more, and I got more. I stepped up as a leader, and people followed.
Here’s the truth: you can’t expect others to value you if you don’t first value yourself. That work begins within. It starts with mindset, then shows up in your actions. If any of the five signs above sound familiar, take heart – you can break those patterns. I did, gradually, and it made a world of difference in my career and confidence. Start with small steps and remember: you have earned a seat at the table. Treat yourself as deserving, and you’ll invite others to do the same.
If any of these five signs sound familiar, take heart: you can break those patterns. Start with small steps. You’ve earned a seat at the table – so claim it.
If you’d like to explore Stella Petrou Concha’s work further, try her Self Mastery Scorecard — a quick two-minute quiz to assess where to focus on regaining control of your inner world. You can also read her book, Stone Heart, Light Heart: The Intelligence of Self Mastery (2021), available on Amazon.
Learn more : if you don’t appreciate yourself, you will always chase validation from others.